What Do I Do if I Feel Like I No Longer Love My Partner?
When we “fall in love” we imagine this blissful romance that will live on and on with the same fiery passion in which it ignited. However, love does not work like that. Love is a feeling that ebbs and flows just as much as any other major life event. In fact, it is how your major life events affect you and your partner that will determine the course of changes within your relationship.
Why do people feel like they are falling out of love?
Because no two people are alike, it also means that no two couples are ever the same. Each person brings their own hopes, dreams, fears, and passions to the table. Over time, these desires can change and that can also change the way you perceive your life and ultimately your relationship.
Falling out of love typically means you are lacking intimacy in one or more areas.
Passionate, spontaneous sex is gone. Maybe you cannot even remember the last time you had sex. Falling out of love is usually characterized by actions—or inactions—that used to be commonplace in your life. Non-sexual touch can also fade away. Do you hug, hold hands, enjoy being physically close? In addition to physical intimacy, emotional closeness can be used to measure the health of your relationship. Talking about the minutia of daily life without sharing feelings, hardships, hopes for the future, and meaningful topics in general is another sign that intimacy has eroded over time.
- Sex
- Meaningful Conversation
- Communicating relationship issues
- Similar interests
If you are feeling a disconnect in any of these areas, it can easily spill over into the “falling out of love” umbrella. Does this mean you are not in love? No – it just means you need to find your way back to those shared interests or make room for new ones.
Am I the only one?
You are not alone. There are many couples that face uncertainty and wonder if their relationship is unsalvageable. The biggest question is: Do you want to move forward? If you and your partner want to rescue the relationship, then you need to be willing to open yourself up to communication about your feelings—maybe with unbiased assistance.
Is this feeling normal?
Determining whether you have hit the end of the road for your relationship is going to be up to you. Yes, it can be normal to feel as though “love” is gone, but you always have the option to put in the work to rekindle it.
Love can sometimes plateau and feel like nothing new and exciting is happening. If you value your partner and are committed to continuing on a path filled with love and excitement, then maybe you need to reach out for guidance on how you and your partner can reconnect and find the fire in your relationship again.
What can be done? What do I do next?
Have you considered marriage counseling? While this may not always be the solution, if you are willing to dive deep with your partner and find your way back to love, this could be the path for you. Marriage counseling is designed to work as a tool for you and your partner to get to the root of your marital issues and find common ground to move forward together.
Marriage counseling is also a way of finding a safe space to share the feelings you are having. It is a path towards a better understanding of who you and your partner are during this season of your life together. Another great option is learning new ways to love one another. There are many excellent books on this topic, and exploring the internet should yield several options. A great first step I often recommend to couples is listed and linked below.
Falling out of love is normal, but so is divorce. Taking action will keep you on course for continued love and a healthy marriage.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
