Boundaries are a common topic in therapy. We discuss having boundaries for yourself, setting boundaries with work and other people, respecting the boundaries of others, and how each of these areas can get pretty detailed.
Often, it feels as if the ability to recognize, establish, and maintain healthy boundaries is something everyone is just expected to understand and know how to do naturally. But what if you weren’t born with a talent for setting boundaries? What if it’s difficult for you to determine what healthy boundaries should look like in the first place?
There are actually many factors that can get in the way of healthy boundaries, such as:
- People act entitled to you always saying “yes.”
- You hesitate to speak up because you might hurt someone’s feelings.
- You don’t enforce a boundary because it just doesn’t feel worth the conflict.
- You believe that if you don’t do something yourself, it won’t get done or will be done incorrectly.
- You don’t want to let anyone down.
- You worry about what people will think of you.
- Your job or boss doesn’t respect your boundaries.
- You weren’t allowed to have boundaries as a child, so you never learned how to set them.
- Your boundaries have been ignored for so long that you’ve given up trying to enforce them.
Setting boundaries isn’t about doing whatever you want, getting out of responsibilities, being lazy, being mean, or starting conflict. Rather, it’s about being authentic.
Be kind. Be loving. Be respectful. Do your best, and be willing to accept that you aren’t perfect. You can’t do it all, and you weren’t designed to meet everyone’s needs. Having healthy boundaries requires the ability to acknowledge and discuss what you are and are not okay with.
Are Boundaries “Tough Love” or Loving?
Some people feel like they are being difficult or harsh when they speak up and say something isn’t okay. However, not speaking up when an issue is small can lead to much bigger concerns in the future.
Feelings of exhaustion, avoidance, and ultimately resentment often occur when boundaries aren’t discussed, established, and respected. In your personal life, this can look like relationships with friends or family becoming strained or distant. At work, it can result in dissatisfaction that grows to the point of searching for a new job.
Healthy boundaries can actually be an important part of maintaining healthy relationships. Addressing concerns before resentment builds gives both people an opportunity to understand each other’s needs and expectations.
At Winter Garden Wellness, we have years of experience helping people discern, understand, and establish boundaries that make sense for their individual circumstances. Every situation is unique, and talking things over with a trained professional outside of the situation can provide honest feedback, insight, and a plan for implementing boundaries that support both you and your relationships.
